i’m miserable.

my stomach feels sick.

there’s a pit.

or a hole.

there’s something that makes me short of breath.

and hard of speaking.

my eyes become damp.

soon to be followed by tears.

contain them.

don’t let them fall.

don’t let anyone know.

you’re crying because you’re homesick?

aren’t you almost eighteen?


and yes.

but you don’t understand.

my brain.

it’s attacking me.

it’s telling me no.

telling me to feel sick where i am.

to feel short of breath every time i think about it.

so i must leave.

that is the only solution.

there is no other way to get rid of this virus invading my brain.

invading my almost every thought.

no more crying in the shower.

crying in the shower because

it drowns out

the sound of your tears.

no more of it.

i’m done.

i want to be done.

so please just let me leave,

so i can be free of this sickness,

my sickness.

my anxiety.